Acedia: How to overcome spiritual fatigue
If you’ve ever had The Blahs – and who hasn’t? – you’ve had a brush with the Noonday Devil (Psalm 91). Sneaking about at mid-day or mid-life to whisper words of discouragement to you, this devil will begin to make you feel that the day is interminably long, your activities indescribably boring, and your hope for the future folly. Should you entertain these negative thoughts, you may grow restless and dull, wishing for nothing so much as the day to be done. Should you allow the thoughts to flourish over time, you may end up in the grips of acedia. Defined variously as spiritual sloth, lethargy and indifference, acedia may best be characterized by its symptoms: boredom, torpor, listlessness, restlessness. Ultimately it becomes, as Thomas Merton writes, a weariness of life itself. “Acedia is aroused from within, not from without,” Sr. Susan Hutchens says. “You might recognize a growing boredom and apathy that leads to a powerful desire for distraction, say a two-hour break at Starbucks or 15 games of Solitaire. Sometimes those activities are used to clear your head, but sometimes they really are the noonday devil.” Monastics should know. The desert fathers and mothers warned of the condition – particularly as it besets monks - hundreds of years ago. The fourth-century monk Evagrius of Pontus said that of all the great vices, acedia “causes the most serious trouble of all.” The fifth-century monk John Cassian described acedia as one of the eight principal faults which attack us; as “an anxiety or weariness of heart.” Other spiritual masters, from St. Benedict to St. Thomas Aquinas, write of the problem of sloth (often used as synonym for acedia). “The Noonday Devil can distract you from your original intent to serve God and others through your monastic vocation,” Sr. Susan says. “It tells you, This is piddly. There has to be something better out there. Boredom and anxiety set in, leading to disgust and discouragement. Some people might sleep more, others might find any excuse to go out.” By the time you are firmly within its clutches, the Noonday Devil will not only have coerced you to devalue your commitment – whether to a vocation, a job or a responsibility – it will have ensured your lack of caring about it. Winding the Clock The spiritual masters agree, the cure for acedia is work. “John Cassian advised his monks about what to do when plagued with thought of acedia,” writes Mary Margaret Funk, OSB, in Thoughts Matter. “If we listen carefully there is wisdom in his words for us. He told them to rededicate themselves to work in every sense. Work with your hands and be present to the work, he said, rather than dissolving into memories or thinking about desires and dreams.” For a monastic, work also means going to community prayers in a routine that is repeated day in and day out. That routine, seen as mind-numbing by one afflicted with acedia, is actually redemptive. “Could we regard repetition as a saving grace…?” writes Kathleen Norris in Acedia and Me. “Browning ground turkey while your children are arguing in the kitchen, you may not feel connected to this great mystery, but you are. … Our greatest spiritual blessings are likely to reveal themselves not in exotic settings but in everyday tasks and trials.” Thus, to combat acedia, we must work at our jobs faithfully, and let go of negative thoughts. “Someone once said, You have to wind the clock every day or it will wind down,” Sr. Susan says. “Our work – our prayers – is how we wind the clock. We aren’t here for just ourselves. Our life is not just me and God on my pathway to heaven. Our life is about who and what we have committed ourselves to. We have to recommit to this life every day, not to the life we don’t have. Our prayers help us wind the clock, help us recommit.” And as we recommit, we can celebrate as Ronald Rolheiser’s child of the kingdom who “turns up her music, picks up her wineglass and her friends, her tools and her duties, her hopes and her prayers, and continues, in joy, despite all that's wrong, the dance of the resurrection.”
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Walking Through a Field of Grief
Jesus said, “Make your home in me,” (John 15:4) and we pray in joy and hope to be able to do that, both here and in the afterlife. But no matter how much we might believe our loved ones have gone to Jesus when they die, their deaths remain crushing experiences for us. We must learn to live without them, to not listen for their footsteps in the hall, to not set an extra place at the table. When Sr. Sheila McGrath’s brother died unexpectedly several years ago, the family was devastated. Every holiday felt empty, every season brought the searing reminder that he was gone. Although they decided to go forward with plans for a reunion in July, they were anxious about it. How would it feel with everyone there but him? Sr. Sheila, a former hospital chaplain, suggested they hold a small service for him to recognize and express their feelings, and ask God for the strength they needed to continue to live their lives without him. “We lighted two red, two white and two blue candles, because it was the Fourth of July,” Sr. Sheila remembers. “We each took a turn reciting a lovely prayer. Then we shared stories about him. It was very meaningful to all of us.” The reunion was a happy and more carefree experience, Sr. Sheila says, because family members shared their feelings and prayers out loud. They encountered their grief. “We all need to work through our grief,” she says. “It takes time. The first year – the holidays, the seasons, the birthdays – every time they happen, they prick the soul. You truly have to go through the grief, though. You can’t go around it.” Imagine standing in front of a field full of burrs, Sr. Sheila suggests. It is your grief, and the only way to the other side is straight through it. “Some people refuse to enter it,” she says. “They’re the ones who keep busy, and keep saying, ‘I’m fine.’ Their grief is eating them up inside, but their busyness keeps them distracted. Another group steps into the field but gets stuck. They get jabbed over and over by the burrs and stay right where they are. The third group keeps putting one foot in front of the other, walking through the field, through the burrs. They reach the other side with resolution and peace.” Friends and family can help with the grieving process, but don’t always understand that people need to express the same feelings over and over for a while after losing a loved one. Sr. Sheila says support groups can help. “Support groups allow you to really express yourself, because the members have had similar experiences,” she says. “They don’t tell you not to feel a particular way, or offer platitudes like, Well, at least he’s gone to a better place.” Getting involved with a support group often is best done several months after your loved one’s death, Sr. Sheila says, after friends and family have returned to their lives and perhaps expect you to, too. However you walk through the field though, the main thing is to keep moving. Let life go on; welcome it. “Make some quiet time for yourself during the day,” she says. “Sit on a bench outside the office for a moment. Listen to a bird sing. Watch the clouds. Pray: God be with me as I face today’s challenges and joys and whatever comes my way. Try to stay open to how God speaks to you and comforts you.” |
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